Imagine you wake up tomorrow and find a note on your dresser.
It says,
Hello,
We are changing the rules on earth a bit.
From now on, you’re not allowed to tell people what you do for work.
You’re not allowed to tell people about your past accolades or achievements.
No one is allowed to see where you live.
No matter what car you drive, people will see it as a gray 2004 Camry (even if it’s actually a 2024 cherry red BMW).
No matter what brand of clothing or accessories you wear, people will see your garb without the distinctive patterns or logos (even if it’s actually a Louis Vuitton bucket hat).
You can go on vacations but you can’t tell anyone where you went or which hotel you stayed at.
You can take pictures and videos but you can’t show anyone.
You’re not allowed to tell people what book you’re reading.
You can write essays but you can’t publish them.
You can run, but you can’t tell anyone how fast or how far.
You get the idea.
Sincerely,
Aliens
TL;DR you maintain the freedom to continue to do and buy whatever you want. The only thing that changes is your ability to show + tell other people about it.
So, a few questions.
Would you still work at the same job? Would you view money differently? Would your dream house or apartment look the same? Would your dream car be the same? Would your wardrobe change? Would you still go on the same vacations and stay at the same hotels? Would you take pictures and videos of the same things? Would you still read the same books? Would you still write? Would you still run?
Why (or why not)?
What would you spend the following day doing? What would you spend the following month doing? What would you spend the following year doing?
How different are these plans from your current, non-alien-impacted plans for the next day, month, and year?
Why are they different?
I think answering these questions can help us better understand the real reasons behind why we do what we do.
Before going any further, I’ll concede that this is an imperfect thought experiment. Much of what we do has its meaning rooted in social context. It’s nice to be able to share things with people.
I am not a proponent of a world where we can’t share things.
I am, however, a proponent of a world where we do things because they genuinely excite us.
A lot of people spend their time focusing on what they do and how they do it.
Few people ever take the time to understand why they do it.
And as a result, a lot of people spend their lives working towards someone else’s dream.
The “why” can often feel ancillary—like an extraneous detail.
Spoiler alert: it’s not.
It’s the opposite of extraneous. It’s core. It’s fundamental to the quality of our existence.
“What” and “how” are downstream from “why.”
You don’t have to take my word for it.
There was a study conducted to isolate the effect of the “why” behind actions, holding the “what” and the “how” constant.
It was set up with two groups of mice. The first was made up of “voluntary” mice that got to choose when they ran on a wheel and a second was made up of “involuntary” mice that did not get to choose when they ran on a wheel.
Each involuntary mouse had its wheel connected to a voluntary mouse’s wheel. Whenever the voluntary mouse would start to run, the involuntary mouse would be forced to keep pace on its digitally-synced wheel.
Simple enough. Two groups of mice doing the exact same exercise regimen over the exact same period of time. We might expect them to have similar, if not identical, physiological benefits.
Not quite.
The involuntary group not only missed out on the physiological benefits typically associated with exercise that the voluntary group experienced, but they actually saw a net deterioration in their ability to fight disease, coupled with an increase in stress hormone levels, amongst other negative effects.
The only variable? Why they were running.
The only difference between the groups was the agency each mouse felt it had in doing what it was doing.
Doing the “right” thing for the “wrong” reason is often indistinguishable from doing the “wrong” thing in terms of how it impacts us.
I won’t claim to be the arbiter of which reasons are “right” or “wrong.” But in general, I would love to live in a world where people do things, not because they feel like they should, but rather because they want to—because those things genuinely excite them.
Not in the hedonistic, thrill-seeking sense of the word. More so in the authentic, aliveness-inducing sense of the word.
Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
No one captures the spirit of this approach to living better than children do.
They often quite literally refuse to do things that don’t excite them. They don’t understand the concept of “should.” Society and culture unfortunately do a great job of conditioning this attitude out of them over time.
If doing things that excite us makes us feel alive, then doing things that don’t excite us slowly kills us.
If not our bodies then our spirits.
Most people die when they’re 25, we just don’t bury them until they’re 70.
I am not proposing that people become more selfish. I am proposing that people become more self-sufficient in their sense of self worth.
I would argue that doing things because they excite you is actually the opposite of selfish.
The most selfish way you could live your life would be to live according to other people’s expectations and desires, and in doing so, deprive the world of the most alive + authentic version of yourself.
The world will ask who you are, and if you do not know, it will tell you.
Except for in extreme cases, there are no wrong things. There are only wrong reasons.
There was a commencement speech given by a high school valedictorian a few years ago.
He spoke about how hard he worked to achieve that distinction. He said when the award was finally bestowed upon him, he felt amazing—pure euphoria…for about 15 seconds.
And then came the 16th second.
The elation faded and he felt empty. And then the emptiness gave way to regret. He regretted all of the sacrifices he made in pursuit of a goal that neither mattered to nor excited him.
He began his pursuit many years prior, enamored by a variety of prospects.
The prospect of impressing his high school peers. The prospect of making his parents proud. The prospect of garnering respect from his future college peers. The list goes on.
All of these “why's” behind his “what” and “how” were externally rooted.
What if he lived in the alien-impacted version of Earth where no one would ever know his past accolades? Would he still have made all of those sacrifices to become valedictorian?
I haven’t had the chance to ask him (yet), but my guess would be no.
Would I have written this essay if I lived in a world where I wasn’t allowed to publish it?
I like to think so.
So what excites you? What looks like work to other people but feels like play for you?
I am partially asking you (the reader), but I am mostly asking myself.
I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings my heart whispers to me.
I won’t claim to have the answers quite yet, but the first step is asking the questions.
In the meantime, I’ll be trying my best to be a good listener.
I hope you do the same.
Because as the great Dolly Parton once said, life is about figuring out who we are and then doing it on purpose.